PAS: The Controversy Over Fact or Fiction?

Parental Alienation Syndrome has been described by many as "junk science"- with no scientific basis or logic to it. That may be true as far as scientific research that is conducted by experts is concerned. But the real question remains "Does parental alienation really exist?" Are there some parents that are guilty of PAS? Does one parent try to alienate their child from the other parent?

Parental Alienation Syndrome was created by a psychiatrist by the name of Richard Gardner, who stated that mothers who alleged abuse to their children against their abuser (the father, in many cases),were in fact guilty of PAS, in which case they were attempting to "alientate" the child from their father, thus making "false allegations" of abuse. To me, this is how PAS became "junk science" because in this form it is clearly being used by the family courts as a "defense mechanism" for the fathers/ abusers to defend themselves against any form of abuse alleged against them, in order to take the focus off of the "abuser", and casting the blame to the mother/protective parent. Parental Alienation Syndrome is very real and it does exist, but not in the context that Richard Gardner and the family law courts intended the use of PAS to be. The abuser is in fact the one who is guilty of PAS, not the mothers who are trying to protect their children. The abuser has no valid, logical, or concrete defense against such credible abuse allegations, but with the help of Richard Gardner, who believed and made the dramatic statement "there is a little bit of pedophilia in every one of us" among other statements, and by using this PAS theory against mothers, this indeed created a solid path for abusers to find a 'way out' from being prosecuted for their crimes against innocent children. This very statement from Gardner clearly discredits him from being objective concerning the issue of child sexual abuse. The syndrome is based solely on the opinion of Gardner from his clinical experience, not scientific data. Although, it would not be completely accurate to imply that there is something wrong with the syndrome-it is not accepted as a means of determining whether allegations of sexual abuse are true or false. However, this does NOT mean that parental alienation does not exist, nor does it mean that parents are not guilty of it. Only factual evidence and testimony are the only approach to determine the validity of such abuse claims. But too often, parents who are either in the process of a divorce or are already divorced are often bitter and angry towards each other and they find their easiest fighting 'tool' or 'weapon' against the other, to be their children. Sad but true. Parents will start trying to win the affections of the child and try to succeed by getting the child on "their side", as if it were a sport, winning the victory in their eyes. But what about the children and their feelings? Unfortunately, the children are caught in the middle of an ugly and often unending war between their parents, both of whom they love or have loved. Most children still have love for their abusive parent and surprisingly, still wanting from them - even their approval.

From the research and studies done on Gardner, it is found that he is clearly biased against women/mothers in the courts, using PAS as a tool to undermine their credibility and inferiority as a woman, since much of society categorizes women as "second class citizens" therefore, their point of view, opinions or what they have to say, being of less importance or non-existent for that matter. The family courts have wrongfully adopted this PAS theory, becoming bias against women who make such abuse claims, deeming her vicious in her intentions, with a personal agenda/vendetta against her ex-husband, in order to somehow get "even" with him, when in fact the real truth is that her only concern is to protect her child(ren)from abuse. As a result, the courts place the child directly in harms way, into the custody of their identified abuser, and scorning the mother for her bad 'alienatory' behavior, resulting in severe and harsh punishment and consequences for her - the innocent, just as her children are innocent.

Well, lets take a moment to define the word 'alienate' - By definition it is said "to make unfriendly", "estrange", "to cause to be withdrawn or detached, as from one's society"

Unfortunately, the adversarial nature of the system designed to help, protect and serve "The People" and is expected to provide relief for them, serves only to become an alternate forum for the expression of conflict, where the parents continue to fight bitterly, resulting in the children becoming the "prize" to be won or lost in the intense custody war that escalates over time- sometimes years in many cases. The courts simply respond to the accusations made by one parent, and cast blame on the other parent, in which case only one will prevail, and then who suffers?.....the children! Children are no longer children, but rather they are viewed as possessions by the courts, property to be divided between mother and father, as they have no voice or say in the matter, because to the courts, their rights, wishes and best interest is of no concern or consideration to the courts....tragic, isn't it?

Richard Gardner believed that PAS derived generally from custody disputes, and the predominant source of alienating and/or by "brainwashing" the child was in his opinion, the mother. Since the courts relied upon information from mental health experts, Gardner's theory was accepted by the courts as a reasonable explanation as to why a mother would make false claims of child abuse, his reason being that the mother was bitter because of the divorce, therefore not wanting her children to have a relationship with their father. Now, there may be cases where divorces do become very bitter and parents will attempt to use the children against one another. However, for the courts to use the PAS theory for each and every single case before them, without scientific data to support this syndrome, and often without all the facts and evidence being presented from both sides, it seems way too predictable, unfair and just plain easy for the courts to settle the case quickly, favoring one parent, the abuser, whether or not it is fair, just or correct - and most importantly, in the best interest of the child(ren).

Now from the many experiences of protective parents with their children that I have heard, in addition to other cases, I would have to say that the fathers of these children, the accused of abusing them, are without a doubt attempting to alienate their children away from their mothers. This harmful alienation is just another type of abuse.

What would you call a father who tells his child lies about their mother, attempts to interrupt and interject during telephone calls, terminating the telephone calls for no reason, (leaving the child in tears, where the mother can hear her child crying and screaming because they want to talk to her), not giving gifts/allowing the child to receive gifts that the mother sends, not allowing the child to be around friends or family, to receive calls from friends or family members, tells the child not to answer questions or tell the mother anything - what they are doing, where they are, and/or living, where they attend school, or what they are doing in school, tells the child not to talk about memories and fun times shared with their mother, and/or discuss future plans and events together with family and friends that lend way to hope, won't let the child and mother speak on special occassions, such as Mother's Day, birthdays, Christmas, etc., even by telephone. The list is indefinite for the parent who desires to alienate their child from a loving and caring mother - attempting to erase any memory of her or their past with her. The abusive alienator often succeeds in his quest to alienate the child by putting them into a position of such great fear that the child then becomes afraid to share and to talk openly to their mother for fear that they will be punished by their abuser for doing so- and the alienation process has begun. This does not happen in all cases, but unfortunately and sadly it does in many cases, especially when the child is a very young age.

Friends, in my opinion, this is clearly parental alienation, without question. Now I ask you, a father who does these things-does he appear to be the kind of father who is nurturing and encouraging the child to have a healthy and loving relationship with their mother? I have expressed my opinion. Now it is time for you to decide. What will your decision be?

Written by Kristin Hanson

Dedications:

To my daughter Rachel: I am so very grateful and thankful that we are not alienated from each other and that our bond is still very strong and loving. Please always remember how very much I love you-nothing will or can ever change that. My love for you has no end. Always remember the most important day of my life - your birthday. I cherish each day of your precious life! Thank you for being my daughter - you are the best and so very loved!!! Love~ MOM

To those children and their mothers/protective parents who so tragically have been alienated by the cruel acts of their abuser. It is my hope and prayer that one day your bond will be as strong as it once was....never to be broken again.